THE INDEPENDENT ARCHIVE OF QUESTIONABLE DECISIONSADULT HUMOUR · 18+

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Correct.

Editorial Annual pick
You’ll never find someone like me.

After one date, he told me I would never find someone like him.

He had spent forty minutes explaining why all his exes were “a bit much”, asked if I could cover his chips and called the waiter “chief”.

I replied, “I’ve adjusted my filters accordingly.”

There are threats. There are promises. Occasionally the two are the same sentence.

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WHILE YOU’RE HERE…

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He sent a calendar invite. For a situationship.

Six weeks of talking. Zero dates. One surprisingly well-formatted meeting request.

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A seven-minute voice note. To say he’s “not a talker”.

Sir, that was a podcast. There were chapters.

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I accidentally liked his mum’s holiday album. From 2014.

Shame On Me: a story of curiosity, poor thumb control and a very long scroll.