THE INDEPENDENT ARCHIVE OF QUESTIONABLE DECISIONSADULT HUMOUR · 18+

A seven-minute voice note. To say he’s “not a talker”.

I’m just not great at communicating.

He said he struggled with communication. Fair enough. Plenty of us do.

Then came a seven-minute voice note about why replying “okay” to my very reasonable question was actually a sign of emotional depth.

There was a preamble. A motorway anecdote. A reference to his gym programme. At minute five, I genuinely expected an ad for a mattress.

I gave it two stars. Strong production values. No discernible point.

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WHILE YOU’RE HERE…

DMs Opened
Can we circle back to us in Q3?
Cardiff · Editorial fiction

He sent a calendar invite. For a situationship.

Six weeks of talking. Zero dates. One surprisingly well-formatted meeting request.

Reply Hall of Fame
You’ll never find someone like me.
Bristol · Editorial fiction

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Correct.

That was, in fact, the entire point of leaving.

Shame On Me
Why am I in a caravan in 2014?
Cardiff · Editorial fiction

I accidentally liked his mum’s holiday album. From 2014.

Shame On Me: a story of curiosity, poor thumb control and a very long scroll.