THE INDEPENDENT ARCHIVE OF QUESTIONABLE DECISIONSADULT HUMOUR · 18+

He unearthed the chat after eight months. “Hey stranger.”

Hey stranger. Been a minute.

Eight months of silence. Then “Hey stranger”.

I was not a stranger. I was the person whose last three messages remained unanswered beneath his new greeting, like archaeological layers.

He asked what I had been up to. I said, “Developing object permanence.”

Field note: some people do not come back. They simply check whether the door is still embarrassingly unlocked.

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WHILE YOU’RE HERE…

DMs Opened
Can we circle back to us in Q3?
Cardiff · Editorial fiction

He sent a calendar invite. For a situationship.

Six weeks of talking. Zero dates. One surprisingly well-formatted meeting request.

Reply Hall of Fame
You’ll never find someone like me.
Bristol · Editorial fiction

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Correct.

That was, in fact, the entire point of leaving.

Audacity Awards
I’m just not great at communicating.
Manchester · Editorial fiction

A seven-minute voice note. To say he’s “not a talker”.

Sir, that was a podcast. There were chapters.