THE INDEPENDENT ARCHIVE OF QUESTIONABLE DECISIONSADULT HUMOUR · 18+

He asked to split the bill. Then invoiced me for “banter”.

Editorial Annual pick
You can’t put a price on this personality.

Splitting dinner was fine. Love a fair arrangement.

The problem was his twenty-minute explanation of the value he brought to the evening, which included “elite banter” and parking.

I paid for my food. He said I owed him a second date.

I asked whether that came with a cooling-off period.

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DMs Opened
Can we circle back to us in Q3?
Cardiff · Editorial fiction

He sent a calendar invite. For a situationship.

Six weeks of talking. Zero dates. One surprisingly well-formatted meeting request.

Reply Hall of Fame
You’ll never find someone like me.
Bristol · Editorial fiction

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Correct.

That was, in fact, the entire point of leaving.

Audacity Awards
I’m just not great at communicating.
Manchester · Editorial fiction

A seven-minute voice note. To say he’s “not a talker”.

Sir, that was a podcast. There were chapters.